Religion

When I was a young boy, my mother told me we were religious. The religion she chose was called Being Catholic. Being Catholic meant we believed in a character called God, his son Jesus H Christ and a holy ghost who watches people sleep. (Creepy).

Being Catholic is run by a man in Rome called the Pope. The Pope drives a weird car and has a little hat. For fun, people try to shoot the Pope.

Give him a break. It's not his fault that the dinosaurs are extinct.

I'm not really sure why my mother decided we were religious. The only reasons I can think of are either that she wanted me to go to the school without the knife fights, hookers and pimps or that you get free wine at mass. I didn't like the taste of wine when I was a young boy, but I made sure I drank a lot of it because that's what the baby Jesus wants.

When I became older I didn't have to pretend to believe in God or Jesus or the holy ghost any more. This meant that sex was not banned, I could sleep without being stared at and gay people were ok again.

I could also do pretty much what I wanted when no one was looking.

However, a while ago I met a man called Abu. He was very friendly and was also a real life pirate with a real life hook for a hand. Imagine it! Before the Americans said they wanted to take him away and talk to him, he told me all about his religion and said that I should join.

When I asked why I should join, Abu said it's because religion lets you do lots of fun things.

That's why I think religion is brilliant.