Food for Eating

Since an early age, I have had to find my own food for eating. In a big modern and diverse city such as London, there are three options available to the hungry person.

1. You can hunt with the foxes for what they find.

2. You can phone the Lebanese Man.

I like hummus, although if you eat more than seven pots of it, your wee tastes funny.

My housemate Camilla gave me the number for the Lebanese Man. Although I think it's only because she felt guilty for killing my brilliant tomato plant that I grew from a seed. My psychotherapist Raymond gave me the seed so that I could try to nurture a living being.

I thought about killing Camilla to avenge the death of my brilliant tomato plant but after some discussion with Raymond we agreed this would be an "overreaction".

Instead I stole her book about missing children and wrote her letters pretending to be the missing children.

My letters made Camilla cry and wail for three hours so I consider the tomato plant avenged.

3. (We are still doing a list). The last option for food is to go to a supermarket. However, this is the worst choice because shopping for food is terrible. Not only are there lots of people in the supermarket who are angry because they cannot find the right yogurt, but the lights in the supermarket are really bright and scary and make the bad thoughts come back.

Sometimes I think that the lights in the supermarket are meant to be very bright and scary so that people buy food they don't really want. I once left with something called a yam.

Whichever of the three options you choose to find food for eating, it is very important to eat little and often. I learned this from the time I ate the heavy bag of sugar in ten minutes.

I had to do the running and then I had to do the vomiting again.

Being sugar nude is my favourite.