Panda Birthday Card to Cousin Amal, 33.

My aunt Christiane reminded me it was my cousin Amal's birthday about eight hundred times. I think it's because my aunt worries that no one really likes Amal as much as they like me. The worry is based in reality; most people do like me more than my cousin Amal.

Nevertheless, I was the bigger man here and so created a birthday card. I like pandas a lot so this was my theme. Upon completion of the card, I realised that Birthday Panda looked a bit like a paedophile dressed as a panda, rather than an actual real panda. So I added the word "Creepy" to diffuse the situation. Then I crossed it out because I thought this gave the wrong message.

I posted the card from London to my cousin's law offices in Boston. (She's a lawyer but hates it).

She said: thanks, I love it.